I have forgotten how to enjoy life. I dont see that spark, the fire of excitement that slowly builds into a roaring flame the closer something becomes. I miss it. Life seems dull without this inferno. I remember getting it when I would go horseback riding. Now I cant stop counting up the bills in my head. I used to play in the rain and soak up the scent of fresh earth. I used to float in lakes and rivers and frolic with bliss.
Maybe it is innocence lost? I feel as though the world is huge and small at the same time. We hear about bombings here and famine there, but it seems so far away. That is until you are seeing the photos online and feeling the pinch when you pump gas. When I was little I used to be fearless. I would wander the streets and fields of my small, rural and upper-middle class neighborhood and I would never think of being kidnapped or killed. I would play in the river and hike in the woods and I was never concerned with mountain lions eating me or getting lost. I never got lost. So why is it now that I cannot seem to leave the house and go somewhere by myself without feeling vulnerable. Going to the forest and sitting by myself is unthinkable. There could be some serial killer lurking around waiting for his next kill. Likely, no! But I think about these things and they worry me.
Riding horses is an example. I was never afraid of falling off a horse. I had fallen off before and I never got hurt. Then I fell of my fiances horse and I couldnt walk for a week. I felt the effects of the fall for about 3 months afterward. I havent ridden more then 2 times since the fall. I am scared I could break my neck like Chris Reeve. I could get seriously hurt and have 22 surgeries over 10 years like one of my friends. Do I want to risk it?
Why is risk so difficult? Why do we stay safe in order not to risk our safety. My mom refuses to get on a plane because it might crash. But more people get attacked by sharks and die then people dying in a plane crash. What about auto accidents? They are a huge killer. Or heart disease. Why do we forfit a trip to Paris, but it is okay to drive to the store?
I was origionally going to write about Simple Pleasures so let me get to that. I was saying that I cannot enjoy like because I am too afraid of everything. So here are a list of things I find to be simple pleasures.
1. The smell of rain- I smell the rain and I am immediatly calm and excited at the same time.
2. Thunder and Lightning
3. The smell of the ocean
4. Catching a fish
5. Taking care of a beloved animal. I like to comb my dogs hair or even scrub the algae out of the horse trough (Yes strange I know)
6. Gardening- growing things in particular. I think it is the creation aspect of it.
7. Photography- finding beauty in simple things and bringing out the beauty in things that are old or ugly.
8. Seeing a herd of cattle or sheep in pasture. This is also true for wild horses.
9. Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
10. Green Valleys- I am thinking Ireland green here.
13. Hot Cocoa
14. A new hair cut
15. The perfect outfit
16. Reaching a goal I didnt think I could meet
17. Walking barefoot in soft grass
18. Watching my daughter smile, talk, grow
19. Seeing my fiance laugh
21. Cleaning- I expecially enjoy cleaning the stove. I find it very relaxing.
22. Making everyday things from scratch- like butter, jam, bread, ect
23. Knitting and sewing
24. Finding treasure- whether it be in an archaeological dig or at a garage sale.
25. Spending time with family I havent seen for a long time.
Thats all for now.
A small update- I got a job at a petstore and I love it. LOVE! Everyone I work with is great and there is room for promotion. Things are looking up!